Last week Jake let me know about what could possibly be the stupidest list I’ve seen in a long time: EW’s The Sci-Fi 25. It’s supposed to be the greatest sci-fi moments from the past 25 years, but it’s actually just proof that Entertainment Weekly employs morons who don’t know anything about science-fiction. Being a medical marvel, I’ve decided to compile a superior list consisting of the greatest sci-fi moments from the past 25 years that EW left off their own list.
25. Dune (1984)
Roxanne! You don’t have to put on that red light! ROXANNE!!!!!!
I could pretty much just pack it in and go home at this point, confident that I’d already proven that the douchebags at EW don’t know shit about sci-fi. Yeah, you’re going to put “Heroes”, which hasn’t even made it through a whole season of television, on your list but you’re going to omit an Oscar nominated badass sci-fi classic which stars the only man more sexy than me (Sting)? Fucktards!
24. Gattaca (1997)
Uma, before Quentin Tarantino become creepily obsessed with her feet.
Personally I think the movie is just ok, but Jake would kill me if I didn’t include it on the list. Meh. At least it’s better than “Lost”.
23. Cocoon (1985)
Is it just me or does Steve Gutenberg have surprisingly well defined pectoral muscles? I think that’s science fiction.
The movie that reminds us that old people can be cool. It’s a sweet, heartwarming movie, which tends to be a bit rare in the sci-fi genre. Plus it stars the Gute!
22. “Alien Nation” (1988)
Geez, do all aliens have AIDS or is it just these guys? Oh, wait, are we not allowed to make AIDS jokes yet? Damn. Well what about syphilis? Is syphilis funny?
No, it’s not.
The TV show not the movie. I’ve never bothered to see the movie, which is strange because I lack the ability to turn down a movie staring James Caan, even when I should. LIke you see that movie with him and Hugh Grant? It sucked ass, but I still saw it. That’s commitment.
21. Junior (1994)
Remember that German baby that was like five months old but super-buff for some reason? I think I have an explanation…
When I saw Children of Men on the EW list I thought they were talking about this movie, then I remember that EW’s not awesome enough for something like that. Seriously, it’s a movie where Arnold Schwarzenegger is impregnated by Emma Thompson. Now that’s a fun party if I ever heard of one.
Bonus fun: Go to Google Image and search for “junior”. Take a look at the first thing that comes up. This is why al Qaeda hates America.
20. Judge Dredd (1995)
Judge Dredd doesn’t wear body armor, but he does wear a gigantic cup. The moral of the story is: always protect your nards!
“I AM the law!” Greatest line in sci-fi ever. And remember that robot thing the villain uses. That was cool. Plus, it was either this or Demolition Man.
19. Enemy Mine (1985)
Basically this is Brokeback Mountain, but in space.
I remember seeing this movie on HBO when I was a kid and thinking, what the hell is going on. That’s the hallmark of a great sci-fi movie. Two thirds of the movie is spent with Dennis Quaid and that alien guy on a planet together yapping about whatever, and then all of a sudden you find out the humans won, but you’re sad because the alien guy was kinda cool. And pregnant. That was weird. My childhood was kind of fucked up, wasn’t it?
18. Superman III (1983)
Basically this is Brokeback Mountain, but Super!
Oh yes, Superman III is a shining example of everything that’s awesome with cinema. It has Richard Pryor (no relation to Madeline), Superman going batshit crazy because he doesn’t like the bar nuts he’s given, and it ends with an evil computer turning one of the villains into a creepy robo-biatch. This is probably be best Superman movie that doesn’t star Zod. The one with Nuclear Man is a close third.
17. Flight of the Navigator (1986)
I’m staring at this poster but I still have no idea what this movie’s about. Still awesome.
I don’t remember who’s in the movie, or what happens in it, or what it’s about even, but I do remember watching this movie in fifth grade during science class for some reason. That was awesome. That was also probably why the exchange student from Bangladesh, Baboontu, was about a thousand times better at math and science than we were.
16. Twelve Monkeys (1995)
Ever notice that bananas come in bunches of eight, and monkeys come in bunches of twelve? Just like fuckin’ hot dogs!
The movie that proved Brad Pitt could act. It’s also the movie that proved that if animals were given a chance they would dominate the planet with a ruthless iron paw. Damn dirty apes! Oh, wait… Great movie. Makes no sense.
15. Innerspace (1987)
Dennis Quaid exploring the insides of another man’s body… ummmmmm…..
Here’s a movie that makes perfect sense. Martin Short. Dennis Quaid. Meg Ryan. The bad guy from UHF. Shrink rays! OMFG! I love it. This movie totally paved the way for Honey I Shrunk the Kids. Double points for that.
14. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986)
Speaking of Spock, did you see that Leonard Nimoy has a photo exhibit of fat naked women? Nice move, playa.
Everyone cites Wrath of Khan as their favorite Star Trek movie, probably because it’s the best Star Trek movie, but somehow the jackasses at EW already picked that one, so I picked the next best thing — The Voyage Home. This is the one with the humpback whales. And the nuclear wessel. Ha!
You know, between this movie and “Voyage of the Mimi” humpback whales were involved with a lot of voyages in the 80s.
13. Stargate (1994)
Yeah, I know this is the opposite of what I just said, but I love me some Richard Dean Anderson.
The movie, not any one of those fifth fuckin’ TV shows that Sci-Fi is constantly playing when it’s not playing really crappy made for Sci-Fi movies like Basilisk: The Serpent King.
12. Lawnmower Man (1992)
Insert requisite racist joke here. I ain’t touching this one.
Ok, now we’re dealing with seriously fuckin’ awesome sci-fi movies. I remember seeing this as a kid and thinking how totally mind-freakin’ it was. Yeah, that’s right, Chris Angel mind-freakin’!
11. Hackers (1995)
Crash Overide and Zero Cool are analyzing a data stream consisting of binary… ah screw it. Like these two dipshits know jack about computers. Ten bucks says they use AOL.
I don’t care what you say, this is a sci-fi movie. It has computers. And pre-crazy Angelina Jolie.
10. Robocop (1987)
Me and Robocop are basically the same person. For example, neither of us wears pants.
I am out of examples.
Now we’re cooking. Having a sci-fi list that omits Robocop is ridiculous. Robocop may just be the most badass hero in the history of sci-fi. Not a day goes by where I don’t wish an automatic pistol would pop out of my thigh.
9. Predator (1987)
At least this ugly motherfucker is better looking than those Alien Nation things.
“If it bleeds, we can kill it.” Arnold Schwarzenegger and Apollo Creed fighting a merciless alien hunter in the jungle. I love it!
8. Pitch Black (2000)
Is… is Vin Diesel standing in front of a giant penis? I guess the rumors are true.
It’s hard to really put into words, but I love this movie. It’s a low budget, down and dirty sci-fi movie with a clear premise. I just love movies like this. Without a huge budget to hide behind you can really feel the hand of the filmmaker at work on this film. This is real sci-fi here folks.
7. Jurassic Park (1993)
I wish I had small gimpy arms and a big giant head. Roar? 
If I was an real writer I would never, ever sit down and write a movie based on science for one very simple reason: Jurassic Park. This is the ultimate science story. It combines cloning with friggin’ dinosaurs. Genius. Enough to make you forget about that piece of crap Sphere.
6. Donnie Darko (2001)
Sweep the leg!!!! Nevermind.
The best thing Jake Gyllenhall has ever done. I love the rabbit. Plus, I have absolutely no idea what was going on in this film, except that there seemed to be something about time and space being bent, which I why I count this as a sci-fi movie.
5. Airplane II (1982)
Peter Graves, Leonard Nimoy, and Martin Landau. Best show ever. Only one of them was in Airplane II.
They fly in outer-space, into the sun no less. Therefore, this is a sci-fi movie. A sci-fi movie with Peter Graves no less. God I love Peter Graves.
4. Short Circuit (1986)
The sad thing is Michael Bay’s Transformers designs basically look just like this. God I hate Michael Bay.
More Gute! Talk about a great sci-fi movie. Johnny Five teaches us that robots can form strong emotional bonds with people, long before Terminator 2 tried to rip off that angle. And Fisher Stevens playing an Indian guy? Isn’t that basically modern-day black face? Oh wait, no, that’s Soul Man.
3. Akira (1988)
True story, the Japanese noodle house I frequent used to have a little toy of this guy riding around on his motorcycle. There is nothing on God’s green Earth better than eating a heaping bowl of ramen under the gaze of a toy from the movie Akira. Well, ok, boobs are better.
Those fucking idiots at EW put “Star Wars: The Clone Wars” on their list instead of Akira. I mean, once you make the gigantic freakin’ leap to include cartoons on a list of what is supposed to be legitimate sci-fi movies then you could at least pick a fuckin’ good one. Like one that helped to introduce anime to the American audience. One with an adult storyline that challenges our notions of what is and isn’t real and shows us a dystopian world view that is anything but cartoonish.
2. The Fifth Element (1997)
John McClane is about to kick some alien ass!
Luc Besson’s film is one of the best sci-fi movies ever. It stars Bruce Willis, Gary Oldman, Milla Jovovich, Tricky, Chris Tucker, that guy from Alien, and Zeus from No Holds Barred/WWF. Great music, a great story, great special FX. I mean, come one, EW!
1. Dark City (1998)
Creepy and sexy at the same time. I dated a girl like that once. It was didn’t work out. “Safe words” are harder to remember than you’d think.
It’s not that Dark City is the best sci-fi movie on this list, or that it’s even better than the last few, it’s that I don’t believe you can have a sci-fi list that includes — let alone ends with — The Matrix and not give credit to Dark City, a movie that is obviously the template upon which The Matrix was built. The themes, the visual style, the basic premise, even the ending of The Matrix is derived from Dark City. Hell, they used some of the same set pieces. Dark City even has Kiefer Sutherland in it, doing the weirdest accent ever in a sci-fi movie. Seriously, half the time I didn’t know what that jackass was saying, which is probably why I never really understood what the hell was going on. Oh, and need I mention Jennifer Connelly? No, I need not.
Did I miss something totally friggin’ awesome? Probably not. But if you can think of something let me know.
Hello?!? You forgot probably the best sci-fi movie ever…come on, Howard the Duck. Lea Thompson getting it on with a 3-foot talking duck. If that’s not science fiction, I don’t know what is…that duck would at least have to be 4-foot tall to have a chance with Lea Thompson!
It’s funny you mention Howard the Duck — it was literally number 26 on the list. Got bumped off because of Hackers.
As far as height goes, I think Lea Thompson has low standards. I mean, she did almost get it on with Marty McFly….
T-R-O-N !!! Blasphemy !
Number 27.
oh shit i totally remember watching enemy mine!!! i had a fucked up childhood too!!
“The Last Starfighter.” I only remember two things about it. The line “Gita! Gita! ah-sonjay”, and that in 1984, I thought this movie kicked ass.
Dark City number 1?! Good dystopia but it ain’t Blade Runner.
How about Mad Max??? C’mon, how can you beat Thunderdome?
What about Batteries Not Included. I loved that one. Starman was a great sci fi romance too.