Nima Yousefi's Equinox of Insanity

Evolution Disproved!

The science crowd has spent the last hundred years ramming their stupid monkey-based theories down the throats of honest Americans. Thankfully, a great and wise movement has given rise in recent years with the goal of shedding light on the true origin of Man, and that movement is called Intelligent Design. Intelligent Design teaches us that rather than the world arising from chaos and random chance that it was in actually carefully and deliberately designed by a higher power, which is obviously the Christian God, and therefore completely and totally negates all this “evolution” nonsense.

Yet, these “scientists” that make up the entirety of the academic community have rejected this sensible and obvious assertion. These “scholars” are unable to see the obvious design of the world around us. These “doctors” are full of shit. Just this morning I went to the grocery store to buy some orange juice and Twizzlers and I discovered something that proves, without a doubt, that there must be an Intelligent Designer, and that therefore evolution is a lie.

Witness God’s unquestionable glory:

You see what that is? It’s a plant that looks like a penis. Now you look me in the eyes and tell me God didn’t do that on purpose? I dare you. “Scientists” would have us believe evolution and natural selection gave rise to this amazing plant, but what in nature would select for a plant with a dong? I mean, that’s just crazy.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s pretty gay of God to put a dick on a plant. Well, yes, that’s true. Recall that God at first was perfectly happy with just one man — Adam — running around naked in his Garden of Eden. It was only after Adam complained that God gave him a woman. Also, God created musical theater, which is as we all know is hella gay. So clearly, the queerness of God is unquestionable. As unquestionable as Intelligent Design.

So remember, kids, the next time one of these evolutionists tries to convince you that the Universe evolved over billions of years due to atomic interactions you tell them about the dick-plant. That will shut them up right quick.