As you well know, I am a master of the English language. Also, I’m very handsome. But mostly the language thing. As a master linguist I’ve found it frequently useful to use combinatorial phrases, which are amalgamations of words that are used to convey the meaning of those words, though in a much shorter and direct manner. An example of such a thing is “fugly”, which is made by combining “fucking” and “ugly” together. Using a combinatorial phrase like “fugly” I can 1) save time, 2) save precious mouth muscles better used on making kissy with the ladies, and 3) sound adorable.
However, there is a lesser known combinatorial phrase that you may find useful in your professional life, personal life, or in the practice of your religion. It is lesser known because I invented it last night, while drunk, possibly pantless. I’m talking about “glorious boobs”.
Using “gloobs” — or “gloobies” if they’re cute and perky — will simplify your life and allow you to better communicate with your peers, at work and at home. “Check out the gloobs on that girl.” Short and efficient. “Sue, that necklace really accentuates your gloobs.” Direct and to the point. “No Frank, I did not have relations on your sister’s gloobies.” Powerful and adorable.
However, one must be careful to note that just as “fugly” carries more contextual information than simply the word “ugly” does, so is “gloobs” a more voluptuous word. That is to say, one must be careful to note that it cannot always be used in place of “boobs”, and so it’s usage must be selected carefully. Remember, the description of “glorious” is built into the word and therefore always communicated with “gloobs”. For example, “Teresa’s gloobs are bouncing all over the place,” communicates a similar, though more effective, message as if the word “boobs” was used. That is, the internal “glorious” has little effect on the sentence’s meaning. However, the sentence, “I think Jason has man-gloobs,” might get you into a sticky situation… unless that’s your thing. Heh heh heh.
So take with you this advanced word and use as you see fit. In the park. At the beach. In the mirror as you admiring your supple naked body after a bath1. And remember, language is what separates us from the animals. Also, we have the Internet and shit.
- Ladies, you know what I’m talking ’bout.↩
Tags: Language
So long as we’re waxing eloquent on precision in word usage, I must point to the obvious fact that animals, like us, also have shit. My cat, for example, manufactures the stuff like it was going out of style.