OK, this is hilarious. Have the volume on for this.
PS: Kung Lao is a dick.
Archive for September, 2007
Shao Kahn Party
Sunday, September 30th, 200730 Best Geek TV Shows of the Last 20 Years
Friday, September 28th, 2007Great White Snark has posted “The Best Geek TV Shows of this Generation”. It’s a very well thought out list, and I think he did a pretty nice job of ranking the shows. That is to say, I agree pretty much with how the ranking falls, with the exception of the show that comes in at number 2, which sucks balls and shouldn’t be on the list at all.
I really should have posted this a week ago, but it didn’t sink in to me how wide the appeal of a list like this would be until Jake — who’s geek street-cred is dubious, at best (I mean, we had to brow-beat him to watch “BSG”, he doesn’t watch “Heroes”, and he’s never seen “Babylon 5″. I mean, what the frak, dude?!) — mentioned that he read and enjoyed the post. When someone other than me likes something that means it’s actually good. As opposed to when I alone like something, which usually just means there are boobies involved.
Also, I left a comment and then somehow ended up married. It was weird. And sexy. But mostly weird.
I’m Going to Bet Against Amazon MP3
Wednesday, September 26th, 2007So the big news yesterday — aside from all the happenings at the United Nations — was the Amazon’s release of a digital download section of their store. The big difference between their not-iTunes music store and every other not-iTunes music store is that Amazon is offering all their songs in DRM1-free MP3 format2. Also, it’s freakin’ Amazon.com!
John Gruber says, “I predict a year from now, Amazon’s store will be a solid #2 to iTunes…” I agree completely — provided he means “solid #2″ in the same way Microsoft’s Zune is a solid #2 amongst digital music players. That is to say, I think in a year Amazon MP3 is going to be a “Huh?” and a “Why?” and nothing anyone who’s not insane cares about.
Or to put it in Gruberic terms: I’m an Amazon MP3 doubter.
Loyal Equinox of Insanity readers know that I’m not prone to outlandish pronouncements with little to no basis in reality, so clearly I have logical, sensible reasons for hatin’ on Amazon MP3. Well, it just so happens I do…
Point #1. Real people don’t actually worry about DRM
I’m sorry Slashdot.com, but iTunes FairPlay DRM scheme hasn’t eaten any babies, pillaged any villages, or given me any STD I didn’t already have. Most importantly, it hasn’t actually gotten in the way of me enjoying my music, or sharing it with my friends. In technical terms, I would say the license you get with each song is quite fair, indeed.
And I’m not alone. Most regular folks I know don’t even know what DRM is, and they most certainly aren’t lamenting it’s restrictions.3
Point #2. People who do worry about DRM probably aren’t buying digital music anyway
Let us, for the moment, pretend like DRM doesn’t exist. We’re still left with music that’s being produced by money-grubbing corporations with little regard for artistic integrity who are grossly overpricing their wares and all they do is put out garbage anyway. The people who are philosophically hatin’ on DRM are also going to philosophically hate on the RIAA anyway. Which means they’re probably just going to go to BitTorrent and get their music for free, like they’ve been doing all along. The justification might change, but the piracy will remain unchanged.
Point #3. Integration is highly potent. Also, people are hella lazy
The genius of what Apple has done is that they integrated the digital music device, the playback software, the syncing software, and the store software together seemlessly. It’s all done in iTunes. If you’re listening to your music and you decide you want to buy another awesome Gin Blossom’s track, all you have to do is click over to the music store and have at it.
“But,” I hear you saying, “you can save $0.10 per song (potentially) from Amazon MP3 and all you have to do is open up your web browser, go to Amazon.com, and then buy the song there.”
Yeah, and all you have to do to not use that piece of shit Internet Explorer is navigate to Mozilla.com in the browser you’re already in and download Firefox. Yet, IE’s market share is still 70-80%. People are lazy, and the less work they have to do the happier they are. I don’t think $0.10 is a big enough threshold to break the appeal of Apple’s tight product integration, and I certainly don’t think DRM-freeness will for Amazon in the long run.
Point #4. Honestly, Amazon MP3 is crap
I bought a song4 from Amazon MP3 just to try it out. Guess what? The experience sucked. The interface (i.e., Amazon’s web page) is a pain compared to iTunes, mostly because Amazon so desperately kept the design of the MP3 store section in line with the rest of the site, which doesn’t really make sense. For example, playback controls for the song previews are located in the window at the top of the list of songs, but if the list is long they will disappear off screen. The controls should be fixed somewhere (side, top, wherever) but that will clash with Amazon’s site design. Corporate synergy rocks, right?
As much as we web-heads would like to pretend that web apps can match the glory of desktop apps, they can’t. A well designed desktop app will always beat a well designed web app. There are limitations to UI in the browser that simply do not exist in desktop software, and as long as Amazon MP3 lives in the browser it’s going to be limited in terms of what it can do compared to iTunes. And let’s not forget, Apple pimps UI like nobody’s business.
But it’s Amazon
True, Amazon is a powerhouse when it comes to the sale and distribution of goods over the Internet, but what does that have to do with digital downloads? Nothing, actually. All that amazing infrastructure that Amazon has built over the last decade or so is useless here. The only real advantages they have are that they’re filthy rich (although, that didn’t help Yahoo!’s music store all that much) and practically everyone on Earth already has an Amazon account (which I don’t think is enough of an issue to matter).
So really, at the end of the day, what does it matter that his is Amazon? Would it make a difference if this was Buy.com? Oh, wait, they already tried getting into the music download business. How’d that turn out again?
Screw You Guys, I’m Going Home
Ever watch “South Park”? When Cartman realizes he’s not going to win an argument with Stan and Kyle he says “Screw you guys, I’m going home,” and then he leaves.
Everyone thinking they’re going to take on Apple needs to take a lesson from Cartman. It’s not going to happen. You aren’t going to win. Pack up your bags and go home. Then when you get home, start thinking about The Next Big Thing In Consumer Electronics™, because that’s what Apple did to get to where they are now. They saw a market that was struggling to get mainstream, and they released a revolutionary product — the iPod. The only way to beat Apple in the digital music arena is to beat the iPod, and quite frankly I don’t think another MP3 player is going to do that.
And let me add, you need to hurry, because Apple’s already started moving on to The Next Big Thing In Consumer Electronics™. I wrote about this in “iPod Redefined,” in which I assert that Apple is rebranding iPod to be a more than just a digital music player, and they’re going to take music downloads with them.
The only way for someone to beat Apple in the music download market is to look at the iPhone and imagine a device better than that. I’m sure Steve Jobs is busy doing that right now.
- Digital Rights Management.↩
- I realize their are other stores that offer DRM-free music, but they suck and are therefore irrelevant↩
- That’s not to say they shouldn’t be. I think the case against DRM as a concept is valid, but the case against Apple’s use of DRM is weak, at best.↩
- “The Dophin’s Cry” by Live. It’s very gym-appropriate, me thinks.↩
10 Things That Make Me Fear For This Season of ‘Heroes’
Tuesday, September 25th, 2007Long story short: Heroes got off to a laughably pathetic start. Granted, last season the show hit it’s high point about half way through (“Company Man”, “Five Years Gone”, “Parasite” = excellent television), but it’s not looking good. Here’s why…
1. They’re already repeating powers
What the hell?! It’s the first episode of the second season and they’ve already introduced a new character that has the exact same power as someone else. Two people that can fly? Really? Like, you couldn’t give the new guy the power to shoot laser beams out of his eyes, or the power to manipulate water, or the power to use his freaking imagination and come up with a power that some other jackass on the show doesn’t already have?
2. Ripping off Superman Returns is never a good sign
Speaking of flying guy, the reveal of his power is a total rip off of that creepy scene in Superman Returns where Superman hangs outside Lois Lane’s window and watches her every move. Yeah, that’s great, not only does the new guy have the exact same power as someone else but he’s a fucking stalker too.
3. An epsidoe with no Ali Larter?
FYI, if you didn’t have so many characters running around you could focus on the ones that are smokin’ hot. All summer I was waiting to see how Nikki uses her power of super-strength to be a better stripper. That’s how it works, right? The stronger the woman, the more potent the stripping. I read that in a biology textbook.
Did I say biology textbook? I meant my pants. Yeah, you heard me.
4. Excessive roof tackles
In season one what’s-his-face-with-the-stupid-hair saves the cheerleader by tackling the villain and falling off the roof of the high school. In last night’s episode Sulu gets it by getting tackled off a roof.
Look, I realize it’s hard to come up with new and interesting ways for people to die… oh, wait, no it isn’t. How about instead of tackling him you had someone shoot him with a musket? I haven’t seen that in a while. Or how if the murder had the diabolical power to tickle someone to death?
I mean, put some fucking elbow grease into this writing thing, “Heroes” staff writers.
5. Everyone got divorced
Yes, I appreciate the fact that you’re trying to get rid of extra (useless) characters, but having everyone get inexplicably divorced four months after the events of the season finale is totally lame. And the two guys who got divorced both had cliffhangers relating to their wives: Parkman’s wife was pregnant with what was foretold to be a super-powered kid, and Nathan’s crippled wife was healed so she could walk again.
But yeah, it makes sense that as soon as your crippled wife can walk you’d divorce her sorry no-longer-crippled ass. And grow a beard. Right-o.
6. Didn’t someone get elected to public office?
I realize being a Congressman is a bullshit job, but shouldn’t Nathan, you know, not be drunk and not be spending all his time in New York? Am I the only person who remembers him winning that election. By cheating. I thought it was sort of a major plotpoint that began in the very first episode of the show.
Maybe the wife got the job in the divorce?
7. Mohinder’s apartment
OK, this is serious. In season one Mohinder moves to America, gets a job as a cab driver, and moves into his murdered father’s old apartment. Immediately thereafter a strange and evil guy shows up and tries to plant a bug in the apartment, clearly indicating to Mohinder that evil people know exactly where he lives. Of course, because biology Ph.D.s from Indian are all morons, Mohinder stays in the apartment for the rest of the season. Even after more mysterious people who he doesn’t trust show up possibly to kill him. Also keep in mind that at the end of the season Mohinder is nearly killed in that apartment by Sylar, who then trashes the place. Oh yeah, and the apartment is in a tenement that never gets direct sunlight.
So season two opens with Mohinder back in India, which is great for him because whatever the housing situation is in India it has to be better that that place in New York, but then we find out Parkman is living in Mohinder’s shitty apartment, with a little girl he rescued. Rescued from the same people who already know where Mohinder’s apartment is. Which, you will recall, is a rat infested dump with poor lighting.
You’re NBC’s only hit show, I think you can put a little pressure on them to build you some new fucking sets. Unless of there’s a really important reason for having the little girl and Parkman living in that apartment. Like, that they get AIDS from living there. That would make sense.
8. Hiro is a pussy again
Hiro’s character arch in season one was to go from a naive Japanese geek to being a courage Japanese warrior, and season two starts off with Hiro being a naive Japanese geek again. He shows up in feudal Japan comes face to face with a white asshole who Hiro knows to be a super-duper hero and all Hiro does is follow the guy around and beg him to be a hero instead of an asshole. Keep in mind that Hiro can stop time, teleport anywhere he want, is now a master swordsman, and sorta almost killed the super-villain Sylar at the end of season one.
Again, there’s an issue of creativity here, guys. I already saw him go from zero to Hiro (HA!) once, I don’t want to see it again.
9. No awesome super-powered action
There’s one scene at the end of the episode where Peter shoots someone with a bolt of energy. Yeah, that’s great, but nothing else happens in the episode. No fights. No inappropriate use of one’s super-power. No hot stripper action.
I’ve said it before, but Sky High had way more super-powered action than “Heroes” ever has.
10. What the fuck actually happened in the season finale?!
Why isn’t Sylar dead? Why isn’t Nathan dead? Why did Nathan and his Mom think Peter was dead? Why did The Company just let Parkman take Molly and keep her? Why did Grandma Petrelli just let Claire get away with the Bennets? Why did Hiro teleport four hundred years into the past? What was going on with Peter having a heart-to-heart with the previously deceased John Shaft? How the hell did Parkman survive four bullets to the chest when there’s no indication that medical attention was administered in a timely fashion? What happened to Clea Duvall’s stupid FBI character? Wasn’t the black guy from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” season four mortally wounded? What’s the story with Sulu? Why am I still watching this show after such a weak-ass finale?
I realize you can’t just reveal everything in the first episode, but how about you throw me a fucking bone, Tim Kring? Thanks.
Quote of the Day
Monday, September 24th, 2007The freest women in the world are the women of Iran.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, speaking to the National Press Club.
This guy needs his own HBO comedy special.
In “honor” of what seems to be all-day coverage of Ahmadinejad on C-SPAN2, I give you this “get your war on” comic.
Incidentally, I made the same joke, only mine isn’t nearly as funny.
Critical Analysis of a Timbaland Music Video
Monday, September 24th, 2007As many of you know, when I’m not spending time listening to Enya and Kenny Loggins I’m grooving to some mad hip-hop beats, and no one does mad hip-hop beats like Timbaland. I especially like his new song, “The Way I Are.”
While an entire essay could be written on the horribly poor grammar of the title, I am instead interested in the music video for the song. Put mildly, it is a fascinating work of artistic mastery that takes the viewer on a journey through the realm of one’s grand imagination. In my quest to understand art better I’ve decided to deconstruct Timbaland’s music video, analyzing it’s contents in as close to a frame-by-frame manner that I could without having to upload too many images to my website. Bandwidth ain’t cheap, y’all.
Enjoy.
Timbaland is introduced. He’s pensive and thoughful. Or constipated.
And it looks like this video is taking place in the sewers.
We are then introduced to the female lead of the video. Apparently she decided to stop by the sewers on her way to the mall, or a picnic, or someplace else where casual floral shirts are customary.
We are then presented with a crazy guy in a suit. Given that Timbaland’s last video co-starred Justin Timberlake, this is a marked improvement.
Finally, we get to meet a series of bright lights, which are symbolic for how Timbaland’s music will light the way to our future. Also, it’s pretty dark in there, because they decided to film this video in a fucking sewer.
And so we see the theme of our video: a good old fashioned love story between a chubby music producer and some singer chick I’ve never heard of. It’s like When Harry Met Sally in a sewer.
We get the crazy in the suit again. Boy, he’s really pissed off. My storytelling instincts tell me it’s because he’s in love with the girl and so begins a love triangle betwixt Timbaland and himself.
No, actually he’s just a member of a trio of shirt and tie soccer players who practice in sewers.
This is an homage to Transformers: The Movie. No, not the Michael Bay movie; the original cartoon from 1986. You see, in the film the villain Unicron remakes some dead and dying Decepticons into new beings, including Cyclonus, the warrior, “… and his Armada.” It is never explained what or who “his Armada” is really supposed to be, but there is that other guy who looks exactly like him, but doesn’t actually serve any purpose to the story. The parallels should be obvious.
Notice the mirrored spacial arrangement? Exactly. All the Transformers fans in the house represent! Holla.
You’d think soccer players would be happier playing with their balls.
Here Timbaland is doing his “fly like a bird” dance. That is to say, Timbaland is totally batshit crazy.
The chick, on the other hand, isn’t too bad to look at.
Timbaland can also do the robot. He’s a dancing machine. HA!
Timbaland then amazes us with his super-human power to bend time and space (Yataa!) to reverse his position from the previous frame in a flash. He’s so powerful that he also reverses the positions of the chick and his Armada. It’s almost like the editor just took the film and did a horizontal flip on it, except Timbaland used magic.
For reasons that aren’t immediately clear, Timbaland attempts to crush his Armada in a “I’m pinching your head” sort of way. I don’t want to spoil it for you, but he fails.
Timbaland illustrates for the girl the size of his manly prostate.
Boob shot.
More of the soccer players. Recall that they’re playing soccer in the sewers. During a Timbaland music video. Wearing fancy-pants.
The sewer is quite pungent. It stings the nostrils!
“Here, Timbaland, smell my breath.”
I don’t want to be alarmist, but she might have gingivitis!
“Hey, where’d the ball go?”
It’s with God now, boys.
Ball smash! This is a metaphor for what the girl is going to do to Timbaland’s balls. It is not a subtle metaphor.
It strikes me that the girl is the only one in this video that’s actually having fun shooting a music video.
Timbaland is too busy striking god-like poses to have fun.
I guess Timbaland’s god-like poses actually work to seduce women in sewers. Who woulda thunk it?
Timbaland is hella baked, yo.
Hella. Baked. Yo.
Requisite sexy thigh rub. Also, note that this bitch be married!
Now all the soccer players have their own balls to play with.
Weeeeeeeeee!
Timbaland is an ass freak.
Some other guy?
Some other guy, now with hat?
As the video progresses the narrative sort of falls apart. I really have no idea what the hell is happening here. I don’t think they were working off of a fully fleshed out screenplay. My guess is they were using a doodle on a napkin. Or an issue of “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.”
Timbaland’s Armada has totally freaked the fuck out.
I’m not kidding. The guy is trippin’ balls.
Now Timbaland’s Armada wants to suckle from a a teat. Also note that the chick is a camera whore.
Seriously, Timbaland’s Armada wants a teat and he doesn’t care who’s.
This girl can’t dance.
She can, however, do a spot-on impression of a blow-up doll. Is nice!
I’m not fucking with you, this video is ass full of soccer players. Look, I like soccer as much as the next guy, but what the fuck is going on?
Soccer, it seems, is the loneliest sport.
You know, aside from competitive masturbation.
Timbaland’s Armada has no game.
Incidentally, this is the thumbnail that you see on the iTunes Store. So clearly, iTunes needs help telling the difference between Timbaland and his Armada. Here’s an easy guide:
Timbaland = batshit crazy voodoo master.
Timbaland’s Armada = schmuck who’s tripping balls.
I told you he was an ass freak.
The video ends anti-climactically soon thereafter.
Now you might be wondering, how do these images relate to the content of the song? Fuck if I know. Timbaland’s singing about VISA credit cards and how broke he is. I guess he’s so broke he has to live in a sewer or something. Although, and this is just my opinion here, if you’re so broke maybe you shouldn’t be wearing a two thousand dollar suit. And maybe lose your Armada. Just tell him you’re going out for some McNuggets and never come back. That’s what I do.
iPhone Tip of the Day
Sunday, September 23rd, 2007If you use your iPhone to call your aunt on her birthday and notice there’s absolutely no sound coming from the receiver such that you think the call isn’t going through but then decide to hit speakerphone and realize the phone is going through and it’s just your receiver and then you spend the next hour restarting the phone and calling yourself at home to try and figure out what’s going on, but each time there’s no sound from the receiver, before you take the iPhone into the Apple Store with tears in your eyes like a man knowing that you’re going to either spend at least 3 days without your precious iPhone or you’re going to have to pony up $30 for a loaner phone take a pair of headphones and plug them into the headphone jack on top of the phone, then wait a second, then pull them out, and see if it’s not just that the last time you pulled the headphones out of the the iPhone it forgot to switch the audio output from headphone to receiver like it’s supposed to do.
I’m just saying.
Strength and Fairness
Thursday, September 20th, 2007I just read “CMU professor gives his last lesson on life” from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.
“If I don’t seem as depressed or morose as I should be, sorry to disappoint you,” said Dr. Pausch, a 46-year-old computer science professor who has incurable pancreatic cancer. It’s not that he’s in denial about the fact that he only has months to live, he told the 400 listeners packed into McConomy Auditorium on the campus, and the hundreds more listening to a live Web cast. It’s more that “I am in phenomenally good health right now; it’s the greatest cognitive dissonance you will ever see — the fact is, I’m in better shape than most of you,” he said. And then, to the appreciative laughs and applause of his audience, Dr. Pausch dropped to the stage floor and did a set of pushups.
A little over a year ago my friend and colleague, Dr. Jaewon Han, passed away from liver cancer. Some months before he fell sick we (read: I) teased him about how he’d let his physical strength wane in his “old age” (he was 41). Unexpectedly, he got down on the ground and did twenty pushups. What struck me most about that wasn’t that he was physically able to do twenty pushups — though that was still pretty exciting — but that he was brave enough to get that close to our lab floor, which is covered with all kinds of manner of weird and unpleasant chemicals.
The true strength of Jaewon’s character came out when he did get sick, as did the strength of his family. I think it’s in those types of situations that people really show what they’re made of, and it always amazes me, because I know, when push comes to shove, that I don’t have that kind of strength in me.
There’s something else in that article that jumped out at me:
“I got the news from my GP,” he wrote, “who said ‘There’s a mass on your pancreas, and it’s not fair.’ “As I later told him, it’s unfortunate, and it’s unlucky, but it’s not unfair. As I always tell my 5-year-old, it’s not ‘unfair’ when you don’t get what you want. We all run the risk of getting hit by the cancer dart.”
When Jaewon got sick the word “unfair” got used a lot. Dr. Pausch’s take on fairness is profound, but in my heart I can’t help but feel there is something very truly unfair about good people getting sick.
My ‘Heroes’ Season 2 Wishlist
Monday, September 17th, 2007A week from today the show “Heroes” has it’s second-season premiere on NBC. I’ve been critical of the first season of “Heroes” in the past, but I still have hope for the show. I think it’s a great concept that, if used effectively, could make for a really awesome season of television. As such, I’ve compiled a list of thing that I’d like to see happen in this second season of “Heroes,” things that I think will take the show to the next level — the one currently occupied by “America’s Next Top Model.”
1. More (and Hotter) Babes
Less Clea Duvall, more gloobs with guns!
Look, I don’t to be mean, but, with all due respect, how the hell does Clea Duvall keep getting work? I thought only pretty people were supposed to be on television. I mean, yeah, I understand that you’re going to eventually come across a charity case, but isn’t that what Sandra Oh is for?
What “Heroes” needs is some really smoking hot babes. Ali Larter is OK, but I think there’s a lot of room for growth here. I’m talking specifically about growth in the boobical region.
2. Awesome Super Villain(s)
I realize to be Fair and Balanced™ I should mention that there’s evil of Dick Cheney’s caliber amongst Democrats, but honestly Dick Cheney looks like the kind of guy who’d bite someone’s balls off in a bar fight… which in all but the most extreme cases is totally uncalled for.
I’ve previously mentioned how lame Sylar is, and they’ve already hinted that this season will feature a more frightening, more evil villain. No information seems to have come out about him yet, but I’m hoping for someone really, truly malevolent, like some kind of genetically engineered cyborg killing machine that’s an amalgam of Nigerian scammers, Islamo-facist jihadists, Nazi’s, Communists, and dog rapists. Or Dick Cheney.
3. Thinning the Hero Herd
Honestly, I’m tempted to get rid of the cheerleader, too. The only reason I’m going to keep her is that she’s legal now, so maybe there’ll be some hot cheerleader on chick from Varsity Blues action this season.
My biggest complaint about the comic book “X-men” was that as time went on there were revealed to be thousands (if not millions) of mutants running around the planet, and the more people with super-duper powers, the less special the individual X-men became. Last season “Heroes” played some lip service to this idea in the episode “Five Years Gone,” where the lame villain Sylar reveals his ultimate plan to get rid of all the other people with powers so he’s the most special little butterfly in the world. Problem is, in spite of that self awareness, they keep adding more and more people with super powers to the show.
I say, get rid of everyone except the funny Japanese guy, the chick from Varsity Blues, the cheerleader, and the sorta Persian guy who’s married to the Dixie Chick and kill everyone else off in the season premiere. I don’t care about the Japanese guy’s worthless (and powerless) sidekick, or little girl who won’t shut up about the Boogie Man, or Clea Duvall. I just want a couple of people with kick ass super powers kicking ass.
4. No More Being Pussies With Your Powers
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgWt_Vn2i-M 300 250]
Ever see that “Family Guy” episode where the Griffin’s are exposed to toxic waste, gain super powers, then become totally drunk with power? Yeah, “Heroes” should totally be like that.
Which reminds me: how about this season people stop being little cry-babies bitches and use their powers for some serious crime-fighting. If I had super strength I would go door to door super sucker-punching every asshole that looks at me funny. (That’s crime fighting, right?). I’m sick and tired of people boo-hooing the fact that they have extraordinary god-like powers. Seriously people, catch a clue.
5. Someone Needs a Hero-Mobile
While you’re at it, how about giving someone a cool ride. No, an Indian guy driving around in a taxi doesn’t count. I mean something like a Bat- and/or Weiner-Mobile.
6. A Story That Makes Sense
“Save the cheerleader, save the world”? How about, “Actually do something, not bore Nima”? I realize coming up with good stories is hard, but here’s one for you: the four remaining “Heroes” travel to Uzbekistan to stop the evil cyborg Nigerian Islamo-facist Nazi Communist dog rapists/Dick Cheney from using their/his weather dominator machine to flood New York and hold the world hostage. Makes perfect sense, is interesting, and easily turned in 22 episodes.
Man, I should totally be writing for television.
‘Dragon Wars’ Reviews
Sunday, September 16th, 2007
From RottenTomatoes.com:
“Written as well as directed by Hyung-rae Shim, which apparently means Uwe Boll in Korean, [it's] so campily awful that it’s Mystery Science Theater-ready.” – Frank Swietek, ONE GUY’S OPINION
In case you’ve forgotten who Uwe Boll is, he’s the brilliant filmmaker that made the spectacularly awesome movie Alone in the Dark.
“This one’s for connoisseurs of the “totally preposterous crap” school of fantasy cinema.You know who you are: You have all the Warlock sequels on Laserdisc, the complete Leprechaun series on DVD, and go see Uwe Boll movies on opening weekend” – Luke Y. Thompson, L.A. WEEKLY
FYI, best movie ever: Leprechaun 5: In the Hood.1
“America does just fine making cringingly terrible special-effect extravaganzas, so back off, South Korea!” – Brian Orndorf, EFILMCRITIC.COM
OK, South Korea, we get the terrible special-effect-laden crap, you get StarCraft. Ummm… wait a minute, can we talk this over a bit?
[Updated with another awesome quote]
“First, the plot holes. When I say that the plot has gaping holes, I mean the holes are big enough to accommodate a fleet of tractor trailers dragging a school of blue whales.” – Great White Snark, GreatWhiteSnark.com
OMFG, it’s like one part Eragon, and one part Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. 2 Sounds like the balls, yo!
Conclusions
I can’t wait to see this movie!!!