As the year comes to a close we all experience what must be a great deal of introspection about the world and our place in it. We take measure of the hopes we’ve had fulfilled and the dreams we’ve seen realized, and catalog anew those for the coming year. As the sun sets on 2007 I’d like to examine what has brought me to this place in the Universe that my life now occupies, in hopes of better plotting out in what direction I should lead my soul in 2008. Join me as I fan the flames of remeberance and guide you through this year gone past. My your upcoming journey through this next year be emboldened by my journey now past, and let our paths cross in the future before us both.
Here’s my list of shit that happened in 2007, presented in award form.
Nimies for Entertainment
Best Film I Saw This Year
The Fountain. This film is a work of art — visually breathtaking and emotionally captivating. Also, it stars Rachel Weisz, who’s smokin’ hot, and Hugh Jackman, who’s
so unbelievably sexy Wolverine.
Best Film I Saw This Year That I Actually Understood
Hot Fuzz. If you haven’t seen this movie then your life is utterly futile.
Best Crappy Asian Film I Saw This Year That Was Redeemed by Heavily Featuring Gong Li’s Titties
Worst Film I Saw This Year
This is the worst fucking movie ever. Imagine a giant robot with egg beaters for hands doing dental work on you without any anesthesia. This would be the movie that giant robot dentist masturbates to.
I stand by that.
Movie I Wish I Saw
Note, this isn’t the same as Kontroll, which is a Hungarian movie set entirely in a subway, though I’m sure there are similarities.
Best Play I Saw This Year
The Oath by Jacqueline Goldfinger.
What? You’re surprised that I would go to the theater? I’m not some uncultured asshole. I mean, didn’t you see how I gave an award to that foreign flick with Gong Li’s titties in it? Exactly.
Best Webcomic of the Year
Penny-Arcade’s “The Littlest Hashshashin”, in which they imagine what Assassin’s Creed on the Nintendo DS might be like. “Give Hugs” indeed.
Best YouTube Video I Found
No question: Soundwave: The Touch.
Nimies for Memorable Quotations
Most Dubious Use of Quotation Marks
Best Quote I Made Up This Year
I rule all you bitches! – Mayor McCheese addressing the burn ward of the Ronald McDonald Children’s Hospital
From “My Personal Heroes”.
Worst Line from a Movie
I suffer without my stone. Do not prolong my suffering.
– Galvatorix, from Eragon.
Remember when John Malkovich was a reputable actor? Me neither.
Best Line from a Movie
– said by Special Agent Wick in War, in regards to the witness he was taking into the station getting shot right outside the door of the bar they caught him in, while standing there making the “he’s dead” neck slicing motion instead of, you know, chasing down the killer.
You need at least two beers to watch War.
Best Real Quote from a Real Person
Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the limits of their knowledge.
– Mark Twain, as seen above Jake’s desk.
Nimies for Blog Related Stuff
Best Blog Post I Read This Year
Seth Godin’s, “Two Kinds of Don’t Know”. This post is directed towards PR flak, but I think the lesson here — about fear and the excuses we make to mask it — is universally relevant. It’s well worth reading.
Most Devastating Blog Post I Read This Year
Khoi Vinh’s “The Start Is at the Finish”, which has forever ruined film credits for me, as I’m now hyper aware of how they’re rendered. Damnit! Apparently no one ever taught Khoi that with great blogging comes great responsibility.
Best New Blog I Discovered
GreatWhiteSnark.com. Well, technically he found me, but I’m glad he did because GWS’s humorously geeky news and views has quickly become part of my morning routine,2 and has inspired posts of my own. It’s easily the best geek-centric blog out there (and there are a lot of those).
Best Blog Post That Linked to Me
Fake Steve Jobs’ “We’re trying to make our retail experience a little more annoying”, in response to my “Terrible Shopping Experience at the Apple Store” (which happens to be my Mom’s favorite post). I’m as funny as I am ridiculously handsome, but I must painfully admit that Fake Steve Jobs is funnier than me, as that post shows. I don’t care if he’s not a real fake person, I love him all the same.
(To everyone that linked to me, many thanks. You’ve all been added to my feed reader, so maybe next year you might earn a Nimie of your own.3 )
Most Baffling Blog Post of the Year
How the dooce did Steven Fisher get the little back glyph into this url? I don’t even understand how I’m able to link to it. How does the Internet know what it means? I’m not sure even I know what it means. I’m so freakin’ baffled!
The sad thing is I didn’t even realize what Steven did until John Gruber pointed it out, which, I suppose, illustrates quite well the intelligence of the parties involved — the guy who was super-smart to do this, the guy who was smart enough to notice it, and me. I love lamp.
The aforementioned John Gruber, for not punching me in the face despite my being a total asshole. Granted, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know where I live, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he devised a sinister Perl script to recursively pinpoint my location using some fancy-pants regular expressions, which would allow him to commit said face-punching, and then throw down a witty line like, “Consider yourself marked down!”
That would sweeeeeet!
Nimies With Regards to Capitalism
Best Hardware Purchase I Made This Year
Best Hardware Purchase I Made This Year With Someone Else’s Money
Best Software Purchase
TextMate. I know Coda is like the biggest thing right now, but TextMate is the best straight text editor you can buy, and you really don’t need more than that (and a brain). Once you get used to TextMate’s ability to automatically wrap selected text in quotes and parenthesis you’ll find it difficult to live without it. Apple needs to incorporate that into OS X… you know, after they fix what’s screwed up with Leopard.
Worst $10 I Spent
He eated it.
There wasn’t even any puke.
Nimies Pertaining to Nima
Worst Decision I Made All Year
To turn my back on 16 years of Qwerty touch-typing and learn the Dvorak keyboard layout. My typing speed, according to this test, went from 115 words per minute to 65. My fingers do feel more comfortable, though.
Best Decision I Made All Year
To quit my job.
Finally, the Grand Nimie
Best Thing I Did All YearCreate this blog.
It’s been a year of ridiculous posts, angry posts, and reflective posts, with a sprinkling of awesome comments from a multitude of people (some sane, some not). All in all it’s been a blast, and I thank you all for reading my blog and not karate chopping me in the neck because of it.
See you in 2008, folks!
- If you think I’m somehow kidding about how boob-centric this film is, just check out the IMDb photo gallery for the film.↩
- Wake up, get some coffee, check out greatwhitesnark.com, figure out who’s house I’m in, find my pants, etc.↩
- As a rule I add anyone who’s posted a comment or linked to me to my feed reader. And, to be honest, I’ve found a lot of really great blogs that way. So thanks, y’all.↩
- Thanks, Mom.↩