The Nimies, 2007

nimies-trophy.jpg

As the year comes to a close we all experience what must be a great deal of introspection about the world and our place in it. We take measure of the hopes we’ve had fulfilled and the dreams we’ve seen realized, and catalog anew those for the coming year. As the sun sets on 2007 I’d like to examine what has brought me to this place in the Universe that my life now occupies, in hopes of better plotting out in what direction I should lead my soul in 2008. Join me as I fan the flames of remeberance and guide you through this year gone past. My your upcoming journey through this next year be emboldened by my journey now past, and let our paths cross in the future before us both.

Here’s my list of shit that happened in 2007, presented in award form.

Nimies for Entertainment

Best Film I Saw This Year

The Fountain. This film is a work of art — visually breathtaking and emotionally captivating. Also, it stars Rachel Weisz, who’s smokin’ hot, and Hugh Jackman, who’s so unbelievably sexy Wolverine.

Best Film I Saw This Year That I Actually Understood

Hot Fuzz. If you haven’t seen this movie then your life is utterly futile.

Best Crappy Asian Film I Saw This Year That Was Redeemed by Heavily Featuring Gong Li’s Titties

Gong Li's Ta-tas

Yes please!

The Curse of the Golden Flower. Terrible movie, filled with gloobs.1

Worst Film I Saw This Year

For Your Consideration, the latest film by Christopher Guest. I’ll remind you what I said when I first reviewed this film:

This is the worst fucking movie ever. Imagine a giant robot with egg beaters for hands doing dental work on you without any anesthesia. This would be the movie that giant robot dentist masturbates to.

I stand by that.

Movie I Wish I Saw

Control, a film about Joy Division singer Ian Curtis, highlighted and reviewed by Khoi Vinh.

Note, this isn’t the same as Kontroll, which is a Hungarian movie set entirely in a subway, though I’m sure there are similarities.

Best Play I Saw This Year

The Oath by Jacqueline Goldfinger.

What? You’re surprised that I would go to the theater? I’m not some uncultured asshole. I mean, didn’t you see how I gave an award to that foreign flick with Gong Li’s titties in it? Exactly.

Best Webcomic of the Year

Penny-Arcade’s “The Littlest Hashshashin”, in which they imagine what Assassin’s Creed on the Nintendo DS might be like. “Give Hugs” indeed.

Best YouTube Video I Found

No question: Soundwave: The Touch.

Nimies for Memorable Quotations

Most Dubious Use of Quotation Marks

Here.

Best Quote I Made Up This Year

Mayor McCheese

I rule all you bitches! – Mayor McCheese addressing the burn ward of the Ronald McDonald Children’s Hospital

From “My Personal Heroes”.

Worst Line from a Movie

I suffer without my stone. Do not prolong my suffering.

– Galvatorix, from Eragon.

Remember when John Malkovich was a reputable actor? Me neither.

Best Line from a Movie

MOTHERFUCKER’S DOWN!

– said by Special Agent Wick in War, in regards to the witness he was taking into the station getting shot right outside the door of the bar they caught him in, while standing there making the “he’s dead” neck slicing motion instead of, you know, chasing down the killer.

You need at least two beers to watch War.

Best Real Quote from a Real Person

Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the limits of their knowledge.

– Mark Twain, as seen above Jake’s desk.

Nimies for Blog Related Stuff

Best Blog Post I Read This Year

Seth Godin’s, “Two Kinds of Don’t Know”. This post is directed towards PR flak, but I think the lesson here — about fear and the excuses we make to mask it — is universally relevant. It’s well worth reading.

Most Devastating Blog Post I Read This Year

Khoi Vinh’s “The Start Is at the Finish”, which has forever ruined film credits for me, as I’m now hyper aware of how they’re rendered. Damnit! Apparently no one ever taught Khoi that with great blogging comes great responsibility.

Best New Blog I Discovered

GreatWhiteSnark.com. Well, technically he found me, but I’m glad he did because GWS’s humorously geeky news and views has quickly become part of my morning routine,2 and has inspired posts of my own. It’s easily the best geek-centric blog out there (and there are a lot of those).

Best Blog Post That Linked to Me

Fake Steve Jobs’ “We’re trying to make our retail experience a little more annoying”, in response to my “Terrible Shopping Experience at the Apple Store” (which happens to be my Mom’s favorite post). I’m as funny as I am ridiculously handsome, but I must painfully admit that Fake Steve Jobs is funnier than me, as that post shows. I don’t care if he’s not a real fake person, I love him all the same.

(To everyone that linked to me, many thanks. You’ve all been added to my feed reader, so maybe next year you might earn a Nimie of your own.3 )

Most Baffling Blog Post of the Year

How the dooce did Steven Fisher get the little back glyph into this url? I don’t even understand how I’m able to link to it. How does the Internet know what it means? I’m not sure even I know what it means. I’m so freakin’ baffled!

The sad thing is I didn’t even realize what Steven did until John Gruber pointed it out, which, I suppose, illustrates quite well the intelligence of the parties involved — the guy who was super-smart to do this, the guy who was smart enough to notice it, and me. I love lamp.

Best Sport

The aforementioned John Gruber, for not punching me in the face despite my being a total asshole. Granted, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know where I live, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he devised a sinister Perl script to recursively pinpoint my location using some fancy-pants regular expressions, which would allow him to commit said face-punching, and then throw down a witty line like, “Consider yourself marked down!”

That would sweeeeeet!

Nimies With Regards to Capitalism

Best Hardware Purchase I Made This Year

MacBook.

Best Hardware Purchase I Made This Year With Someone Else’s Money

iPhone!4

Best Software Purchase

TextMate. I know Coda is like the biggest thing right now, but TextMate is the best straight text editor you can buy, and you really don’t need more than that (and a brain). Once you get used to TextMate’s ability to automatically wrap selected text in quotes and parenthesis you’ll find it difficult to live without it. Apple needs to incorporate that into OS X… you know, after they fix what’s screwed up with Leopard.

Worst $10 I Spent

justin-burger.jpg

He eated it.

Lost on a bet to Justin for successfully, and effortlessly, eating two 1-lb Fuddrucker’s hamburgers that were merged into an abominable double decker.

There wasn’t even any puke.

Nimies Pertaining to Nima

Worst Decision I Made All Year

To turn my back on 16 years of Qwerty touch-typing and learn the Dvorak keyboard layout. My typing speed, according to this test, went from 115 words per minute to 65. My fingers do feel more comfortable, though.

Best Decision I Made All Year

To quit my job.

Finally, the Grand Nimie

Best Thing I Did All Year

Create this blog.

It’s been a year of ridiculous posts, angry posts, and reflective posts, with a sprinkling of awesome comments from a multitude of people (some sane, some not). All in all it’s been a blast, and I thank you all for reading my blog and not karate chopping me in the neck because of it.

Happy holidays!

year-two-preview1.jpg

See you in 2008, folks!

  1. If you think I’m somehow kidding about how boob-centric this film is, just check out the IMDb photo gallery for the film.
  2. Wake up, get some coffee, check out greatwhitesnark.com, figure out who’s house I’m in, find my pants, etc.
  3. As a rule I add anyone who’s posted a comment or linked to me to my feed reader. And, to be honest, I’ve found a lot of really great blogs that way. So thanks, y’all.
  4. Thanks, Mom.

About Nima

Hi, my name is Nima Yousefi and this is my frickin’ sweet website. I’m not an expert in any particular field, however I do own a computer and an Internet connection, and therefore naturally assume that my random thoughts and opinions are important and that the lives of everyone on Earth would be improved dramatically by reading those random thoughts and opinions.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to The Nimies, 2007

  1. SlimJim says:

    Huh ? Where’s the Best (EoS) Blog category ? I vote “People I Like to Hadouken”

  2. Nima says:

    @SlimJim: Really? People seem to like that one, but my favorite is still Thor in ’08. You always cherish your first.

  3. Kenny says:

    Two 1 lb burgers? That is sick as hell.

  4. Marmar Wibbe says:

    I think the quote was Einstein, according to Jake’s desk, not Twain. I’m gonna side with Jake’s desk.

    Thanks for pointing out Control; I hadn’t heard of it. I just got back from seeing an exhibit in Chicago on rock ‘n’ roll art since ’67, and the front of the museum has a huge poster of overlaid photographs of Curtis in motion on stage. That piece is OK, but even better was a layout showing the sketches and ideas behind the design for New Order’s “Power, Corruption & Lies” album.

  5. Nima says:

    @Kenny: That’s what she said.

    @Marmar Wibbe: Google says it’s Mark Twain. Google > Jake’s desk.

    Damnit! New Order is so frickin’ awesome!

  6. Jake's Desk says:

    I have been misquoted, The Desk has always stated that the quote mentioned above is from Mark Twain. Looking forward to more Thor in ’08!

  7. Gabe says:

    I am honored and humbled to accept the Nimie for Soundwave: The Touch. Here’s hoping you find even better shit in 2008.

  8. Nima says:

    You are my hero.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong> <pre lang="" line="" escaped="" highlight="">