Around 1995, when I first got on the Internet, I found a hilarious story about an encounter between the Transformers and their cheap K-mart knock-offs, the Gobots. Every now and then I check the web to see if it’s still floating around, and it doesn’t seem to be, which is a shame.
So, now that I have a little corner of the Internet to myself, here is a reprinting of that story, written by person’s unknown, many years ago. Fan’s of 80s cartoons — and Gobot haters — rejoice and enjoy.
Transformers Vs. Gobots
Long ago, before Transformers came to earth…
A group of Quintessons named Lari, Moh and Ker-le decided to take an expedition to a far off galaxy. Unfortunately, their ship malfunctioned and they were thrown off-course. They crash-landed somewhere in the constellation we know as Triangulum. Desiring to reproduce their lifestyle on Cybertron, they tried their hand at creating robots to serve as gladiator slaves. They failed. Their pathetic creations, whom they termed Gobots, were pale imitations of the Autobots and Decepticons.
Despite their pathetic nature, the Gaurdian Gobots and the Renegade Gobots managed to throw off the yoke of their oppressors. They named their planet Gobotron, after themselves, and in the year 1988 ad they came to Earth. It took them a long time to develop space travel. Here is their story:
One day Bumblebee was strolling in town. No one noticed or complained that there was a giant foolish robot walking around town, because Transformers live in fantasy land. He was shocked to see a new Decepticon robbing a Burger King! Bumblebee may not have seen this particular Decepticon before, but he knew how to treat their kind!
“Stop!” he shouted, drawing his blaster. “Return that Whopper Junior at once!”
The Decepticon turned “Who are you to stop me! I am Cy-Kill, leader of the Renegade Gobots!”
“Cy-kill?” thought Bumble. “That’s a stupid name!” he screamed back at Cy-kill.
Just then a second Decepticon, or Renegade Gobot, stepped out of the Burger King.
“Quick” barked Cy-kill. “Cop-tur, turn into a copter!”
Bumblebee perplexed, watched Cop-tur “transform.”
“He didn’t change at all,” thought Bumblebee. “He just layed down!”
“Drat,” mumbled Cop-tur. “I forgot my rotor blade!”
“Damn you — How can you forgot that?” responded his leader.
“Hey — it’s a separate part. I always lose stuff — I didn’t get mad at you when you lost your wheels!”
“We’ll have to fight it out” resovled Cy-kill.
“Too bad you don’t have any guns,” pointed out Ironhide, pulling up from the drive-through window.
“Foiled again!” screamed Cy-kill! “Why couldn’t we come with guns like you guys?”
In response, Leader-One walked in. “Because Gobots are meant to be good!”
Bumblebee was confused again, “I can see that you transform into a plane, sir, so why didn’t you fly here?”
Leader-one was embarrased, “Due to my poor design, I lack the structural integrity to actually fly. I only turn into a model plane. And I have no gun either.”
Ironhide, never one for words, promptly killed Cy-kill and Cop-tur, and for good measure, Leader-One as well.
The rest of the Gobots were destroyed shortly thereafter, many by small children armed with rocks and sticks. As the Transformers related the tale to an amused Optimus Prime, he said “I’m glad they’re not on our side! Go-bots, huh?”
Bumblebee, for the last time, was confused, “Why is your name in Latin?”
Tags: Transformers, Writing
This is freakin’ HILARIOUS! I’ll show this to my cousin, no doubt! Thanks for keeping it around!
That’s what I’m here for.