Nima Yousefi's Equinox of Insanity

Movies I Watched While I Was Sick

This past week I did devastatingly poorly on a practice LSAT, got sick, coughed and sneezed my way through my Kaplan tutoring session, and then ended up in bed all weekend. On the bright side, I also got my cable (finally) upgraded to digital cable with both Shotime and HBO packages (which is somehow still cheaper than what I was paying before), so I spent a lot of time watching movies on TV this weekend. Since I’ve accomplished nothing else for the last four days, here’s a rundown of the movies I saw…

Clerks II

Gay jokes about Frodo and Sam from The Lord of the Rings is what passes for witty dialog these days? Really? Maybe it was the Nyquil, but I laughed even less watching this movie than I did when I saw Jersey Girl on TBS. Weak.

The Prestige

It’s one of the best movies ever made, and, much like the also great Fight Club, the second time through the movie it’s an entirely different viewing experience, and an even better one at that. I sort of zoned out in the middle, though, so I have no idea what the hell Scarlett Johansson is doing in this flick.

Star Trek: Insurrection

Let me just say, if you’re going to invent an all new villain to put up against the Enterprise it better be a giant cylinder floating through space with a weird orb dangling down from it that kills everything it comes across and only speaks humpback whale.

Also, didn’t anyone involved in this movie bother to watch Star Trek: First Contact? I mean, at some point didn’t Levar Burton stop and go, “Hey guys, this script is a piece of shit?” All those years of Reading Rainbow should have counted for something.

The Departed

I can’t not compare this movie to Infernal Affairs, and it just doesn’t hold up to that kind of viewing. I’m sorry, but Matt Damon is no Andy Lau.

It is kind of neat to look for all the Xs.

The Matrix Reloaded

Now that I’m no longer invested in the story of The Matrix and all the magic and wonder from the film has dissipated I was able to rewatch The Matrix Reloaded and get enjoyment out of it. All the stupidity in the film kind of blends into the background, and the action is actually pretty tight.

I did realize that Keanu Reeves gives the finger in this movie, and that runs counter to my “any movie where Keanu Reeves gives someone the finger is awesome” rule. Weird.

Ali G Indahouse

Terrible movie, but notable for three things:

1. Martin Freeman (the UK version of Jim from their The Office) co-stars, and is absolutely hilarious (unexpectedly so).
2. The bad guy is none other than Sordo Numspa from The Golden Child, which is awesome.
3. Borat has a cameo.

Also, I’m pretty sure the leading lady is a transsexual, which seems oddly appropriate, I think. Weird.

Elektra

I still have no idea what the hell this movie is about, but damn if I don’t keep watching it.

I will say, however, that I feel this film sends the wrong message to girls. In it smoking hot Typhoid Mary gets it on with Jennifer Garner, and as a result of their making out Jennifer Garner nearly dies. Not cool, guys, not cool. God forbid sexy young ladies start to think that their hot girl-on-girl action might have some negative consequences.

Daredevil & The Fantastic Four

FX filled their schedule with bad Marvel flicks to help promote Iron Man. Yes, I consider Elektra to be of sufficiently higher quality to warrant it’s own mention.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest/The Grudge 2/Step Up

I bounced back and forth between these three movies. Taken together they equal one half-decent movie. Nice.

The Grudge 2 was probably the most interesting of the three, but it seems to make about sense as Elektra. I saw the first one, mostly because of the SMG factor, and I had no idea what that movie was about. Japanese ghosts are weird.

The last 20 minutes of “Casino Royale”

I think this is all you really need to see from this movie.

Yeah, I’m still bitter that there’s no sexy dancing lady silhouettes during the opening credits.