Nima Yousefi's Equinox of Insanity

The Next Ten Movies I’m Getting from Netflix

I finally mailed back to Netflix the movies that have been sitting on my desk for the last, oh, two months or so. I’m super excited because there are a bunch of movies on my queue that I’m dying to see, which are, conveniently, listed below for your personal edification…

1. Cloverfield

I’m the only person I know who loved this movie as much as I did.

The previous sentence is basically a metaphor for my entire life.

2. Control

A very well reviewed movie about the life of Joy Division front-man Ian Curtis. I’ve been dying to see this movie since I first heard about it. Woot!

3. The Golden Compass

A couple weeks ago I caught most of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe on TV and I was really impressed by the CGI animals. I mean, those beavers looked totally believable. So I figured if they could make beavers work then polar bears wearing armor would be that much more awesome. Plus I guess James Bond is in it.

4. Teeth

Speaking of beavers, Teeth is a movie about a chick who has fangs… in her pachinko! That is to say, this is THE MOST TERRIFYING MOVIE EVER MADE!!!

5. The Call of Cthulhu

Get this: since the original H.P. Lovecraft story was written in the 1920s, this movie pretends to be from the 1920s as well. In other words, this is a silent film shot in black and white. I think the novelty is reason enough to watch it, but I hear Cthulhu actually shows up in the end and looks pretty badass.

6. Boarding Gate

I’m going to level with you: I don’t know shit about this movie, but the picture shows Asia Argento in her underwear, in heels, with a gun, and Asia Argento has a solid track record of pulling out one or more of her titties during the course of a film. That is why this is in my queue.

7. Batman Gotham Knight

Bruce Timm produced anime-style Batman? Yeah, ok, I’m there.

8. P2

I’m a sucker for low-concept horror flicks. I mean, I loved Panic Room and dug Red Eye, and P2 looks at least as low-concept as those two. Actually, I read somewhere that P2 is pretty good. We’ll see.

9. Black Sheep

Watch the trailer.

Now you know.

10. P.S. I Love You

What is this doing in my queue? How did that get there? Someone demonstrably less manly and awesome must have hacked into my Netflix account and then added P.S. I Love You to my queue. And then moved it up to the number ten spot, in what appears to be a well crafted attempt to balance out the back-to-back horror films that precede it. Don’t ya just hate it when that happens?

If you’ve seen one of these movies and it was appalling, or if you think there’s another movie out there that must be seen before any of these, please let me know.