How can he possibly be “silent” when he’s carrying all that shit around?

Great White Snark, in a comment on ToyBender.com, about the supposedly “silent but deadly” 12” Snake Eyes G.I. Joe doll action figure.

I knew that girl was eighteen. She told me that her last boyfriend was Asian, and that crap doesn’t start until college.

30 Rock’s Dennis Duffy, explaining why his arrest on Dateline’s “To Catch a Predator” was unfounded. I’m pretty sure you could write a graduate thesis on that one quote.

You look like you belong in a rock band that has a piano in it.

Justin, in regards to my spiffy new emo glasses.

Wow, Barack! The nigga’s name is Barack. Barack? Nigga named Barack Obama. What the fuck, man?! Is he serious? That ain’t his fuckin’ name. Ima tell this nigga when I see him, “Stop that bullshit. Stop that bullshit” [laughs] “That ain’t your fuckin’ name.” Your momma ain’t name you no damn Barack.

Rapper DMX, in an interview with XXL magazine, who, prior to this interview, had never heard of Barack Obama, and who, thankfully, isn’t planning on voting.

According to this film, in year 2001 we would have had manned voyages to Jupiter, a battle of wits with a sentient computer, and a quantum leap in human evolution. Instead we got the Mir Space Station falling from the sky, Windows XP, and Freddy Got Fingered. Apparently the lesson here is that sometimes it’s better when the movies get the facts all wrong.

Yahoo Movies, as to why 2001: A Space Odyssey is one of the 10 most historically inaccurate movies.

When I first got there, during rehearsals I was changing some of the lines a bit, and Wes Anderson pulled me aside and said, ‘Jason, uh, it took me four years to write this script, so could you please just try to do the words I wrote?’ After that I always just did the words.

Jason Schwartzman, on acting in Rushmore, his first film role.

I haven’t been this disappointed in a film that I thought was about bowling since I saw “300.”

The spectacular Peter David, about The Other Bowlin’ Girl.

The problem that we face in America is not a lack of good ideas — it’s that Washington has become a place where good ideas go to die.

Barack Obama, in his victory speech tonight in Texas.

I just cant get over the fact that Manhattan was destroyed by a soft-shell crab.

My cousin Rana June, in regards to Cloverfield.

My brother bought a PS3 a few days ago. My wife just saw it when I was poking around at its wireless controls. She said “It looks like a panini grill.”

Steven Fisher’s wife.

The freest women in the world are the women of Iran.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, speaking to the National Press Club.